Saturday, January 26, 2013

Enjoying My Last Month of Pregnancy

My last pregnancy was a difficult one compared to most... but I still managed to enjoy a lot of it despite the pain.  This time around, the pregnancy has been so painful and challenging I haven't been able to enjoy it at all.  It is so hard to stay positive when I am in pain.

All of the problems I had with my first pregnancy were multiplied by about 10 with this one.  The only thing I haven't yet experienced with this pregnancy as opposed to the last one is that thing (can't remember the name for the life of me) where everything I eat or drink always tastes sour.  I'm very thankful for that!

I had hoped to have more than two children.  After this pregnancy I'm convinced that is not going to happen... so that means I have one month of pregnancy left and that is it! It is very likely that I will never experience it again.  It truly is amazing to feel a little human being moving around in your tummy and to know that she is a real person who is going to grow up to be one of your best friends.

So while I'm anxious to meet my precious new daughter and for the pregnancy to end, I am going to try everything I can to enjoy this last month of pregnancy; to stay focused on my daughter, no matter how intense the pain gets to be.  Everything I have gone through physically in the last 8 months has been for her.  Only God knows, but maybe the increased relaxin hormone is somehow benefiting her? Maybe the symphysis pubic bone needs to be shifted for some reason?  I'm positive that the reason I'm always dizzy and feeling light headed is because she is using up every bit of nutrition that she needs to grow and be a healthy baby.   Things that have a negative effect on me are probably all positives for her in some way or another.

Once Zoe was about a year old I had decided I wanted to have another one.  The first year I had to wait because while we could have qualified for Medicaid again, we were not in need of it and neither of us felt right about using Medicaid unless we were truly in need (as we were when Zoe was born).  After a year Gage got a job that paid enough for us to buy insurance just for me.  It then took TWO MORE years for us to conceive this little one.  Add the past 8 months to that and I have been waiting for this little girl for close to 4 years!

Everything I've gone through is worth it.  She is worth every single pain that I experience and right now I just want to enjoy carrying her around with me everywhere I go. I can't wait to meet her!

All I hear is what they're selling me
That God is love, He's isn't suffering
And what you need is a little faith in prosperity
But oh my God I know there's more than this
If You promise pain, it can't be meaningless
So make me poor if it's the price for freedom

Don't stop the madness
Don't stop the chaos
Don't stop the pain surrounding me
Don't be afraid Lord to break my heart
If it brings me down to my knees

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